


this is an emergency so are you listening?

by quibbler



Series: the legendary porn star au - or whatever we're calling this [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Porn, Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quibbler/pseuds/quibbler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Fitzsimmons had to use Fitz's emergency drawer.</p><p>Set in plinys' porn star AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is an emergency so are you listening?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plinys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/gifts).



> Nothing explicit happens in this, but there are mentions. Also, I fully blame Jess/plinys for encouraging me to write more for this ridiculous, crack-y AU. This is from a headcanon that I came up with last night regarding an emergency drawer Fitz has in his room.
> 
> Unbeta-ed, and I own nothing!

o.  
Jemma picks up the snow globe sitting on his nightstand and Fitz can't help but grin. It's a fantastic turn of events, really, given the circumstances, and now his lab partner is his girlfriend. Of course, once you've had sex on camera with someone you've fancied for some time, it sort of breaks down several barriers. "Your room is lovely, Fitz," she says, beaming at him from the edge of the bed.

He moves from the doorway to stand in front of her. "Yeah?" She nods. "Oh, right. In case of emergency, check this drawer. Water, batteries, canned fruit, a torch, paracetamol, hand warmers... Handcuffs..." He frowns and she raises an eyebrow at him. "Those are not supposed to be there."

i.  
His throat feels like it's on fire. Fitz doesn't know why he is awake, exactly, or really what is happening, just that he is in his own room and it's becoming incredibly hot underneath the covers. He vaguely recognises that there is someone else in the bed with him and he turns his head to see Jemma's head resting against his shoulder. There is sweat already beading on his forehead and he tries to make something resembling a groan but instead it sounds like death warmed over and feels like gravel pummeling his insides.

Jemma starts and lifts her head, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Fitz? What's wrong?" He swallows and it feels like knives, so he only manages to whimper pitifully as he pushes the covers off. She frowns and sits up, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead and he's certain that if the lights were on, he would be the exact shade of a tomato. "Oh my, you're burning up," she whispers, clucking her tongue gently. She turns away from him and he chases the cool touch of her hand, but then he hears the sound of a drawer opening and of digging.

She turns back over, a bottle of water in one hand and two red tablets in the other. "Up you get, Fitzy. Take these and drink some water, and no covers for you."

He is suddenly very thankful for the drawer.

ii.  
The storm outside sounds like the entire contents of the English channel are falling over their building and Fitz couldn't be happier. He loves storms like this, loves holing up and not having to do anything from time to time, loves listening to the rain against the glass. Jemma, however, is frowning, and Fitz stares at her upside-down, his head hanging over the edge of his bed. "You don't like storms?"

She jumps slightly but smiles at him from her seat at his desk. "I don't mind them! But it looks like I'm staying the night even though I've only got a few supplies here."

He laughs. "You can borrow whatever you like, and if I don't have it, Skye probably does."

Jemma tilts her head, looking pensive before she speaks again. "Why are there batteries in your emergency drawer?"

"The torch, of course."

She lets out a small _oh_ of relief before giggling. "Don't hate me, but my first thought was definitely not the torch. I thought--"

"--Jesus _Christ_ , Jemma, not at ALL what you're thinking."

iii.  
"Fitz."

He's typing away at another inane paper for his archaeology elective and doesn't look up from the screen. "Hmm?"

"What are these doing in your drawer?"

His fingers freeze over the keys and he frowns before looking up. "What?" Jemma is holding up a long stripe of foil--Holy. Fucking. Shit. "Those are definitely not supposed to be there. Oh, bloody hell, I'm going to murder both Ward and Skye just to take other either potential culprit."

She grins and reads the label. "XXL. Not that we need them, of course, but if I didn't know you, and if I didn't _know_ you," she pauses, raising an eyebrow, and he can feel his cheeks burning, "I'd think this was quite, quite cocky."

He buries his face in his hands.

iv.  
The heat is broken and it's the middle of winter, which is typical for an apartment like theirs and Fitz is silently cursing. Even with two bodies sharing one bed, he can still feel Jemma shivering slightly against him and her toes are rather cold and pressed against his calves. "Jem," he murmurs, pressing his lips into her hair.

"It's cold," she mutters, whining slightly and he wraps his arms more tightly around her. They're dressed in several layers and covered in at least three blankets, but the cold still slips through. He shifts slightly so that she lies on top of him and she lets of a snort. "What are you doing?"

He struggles slightly but he manages to get the drawer open and fishes around for the hand warmers before his arm freezes off outside of the covers. He pulls out at least six of them and quickly pulls his arm back in. "Hand warmers."

She beams. "You know, there are other ways we can keep warm."

He stares for several moments before grinning. "I thought you'd never ask."

v.  
"What the hell?!"

Fitz holds up the offensive book and Jemma cackles. "50 Shades of Grey? This must be Skye's doing." She is wheezing slightly and Fitz is staring glumly at the back cover.

"I've done more realistic scenes than this shite."

Jemma grins, mischief written all over her face. "And how kinky did you get?"

He makes a face at her, somewhere between disgust, shock, and maybe the slightest bit of arousal that he pushes as far down as possible. "We are _not_ talking about this or doing this or ANYTHING about this after noticing the presence of this horrendous book in my bedroom."

She sticks out her tongue at him but shrugs her agreement, reaching out a hand to take the book from him. There's some sort of wicked prank brewing in her mind, he can already tell, and he really wishes that soundproofing was officially allowed in the building. "WARD! You probably starred in something like 50 Shades with Fitz. I don't think you're one to talk and Skye shouldn't be leaving her books lying around."

Fitz falls face-first into the pillows. "You're the _worst_ , Jem."

**Author's Note:**

> Ward and Fitz both have emergency drawers and try to prank each other, and Skye likes to just throw random shit in both drawers.
> 
> This universe is amazing.


End file.
